Stomping My Feet

I'll admit it. I threw a little temper tantrum this week. I received some news that hurt me, right at a time when I, once again, forgot that I am not the one writing this story. Or maybe I thought... I'll just edit this slightly so it is more to my liking?

In the last few weeks I have seen a few doors closing, and my thoughts and heart turned their focus on the things I want out of life.

Healthy, natural desires to be known and loved and to share life with someone I deeply care for.
I was ruminating, rolling it over and over in my head, spinning.

Then, slap! Disappointment.

But this disappointment is something I can be thankful for. Because this nauseous pain in my stomach I have had for the last three days has brought me front and center to a realization that has been slowly coming on over the last month.

A realization that I need to work through some major issues I have pushed down, covered up, downplayed, ignored.... and tried to just forget.

A realization that I need to become more whole before I can wholly give myself to anyone.
A realization that I am excited to take this head-on, excited to move towards wholeness.
I embrace this pain fully, with the hope that it will produce good things.

So, I remember, His name is El Roi; the God who sees me.
He sees the desires of my heart.
He wants me to have life and to have it to the fullest.
I know that He is the giver of good gifts, and as cheesy or cliche as it might sound, I know that those good gifts are worth waiting for.

I hope for what I do not yet have, I will wait for it patiently.
And I know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
I know that if He did not spare giving me His own Son, He will graciously give me all good things.


So, as my temper tantrum passed, I received good news yesterday.
MTI has invited me down to Haiti for the first week in October to look into a 6 month to a year, long-term volunteer placement probably starting early in 2011.

I am so happy to be partnering with an organization that I share values with. I value their approach of coming alongside grass-roots organizations on the ground and supporting local communities to live full and healthy lives.

I'm so thankful for good news, for painful times, and for those who stand by me and love me through my temper tantrums.